Like Vivienne Otto, women 16 to 24 years old are most at risk of suffering abuse at the hands of a lover. Would you know the signs?
By Sakaynah Hunter
When
Vivienne Otto told her childhood sweetheart that their relationship was not working out, she never expected he’d act the way he did. Ms Otto was led to overdose on painkillers to escape the trauma. They were heading back from Vivienne’s parents’ house in
London, Streatham as she talked about their future and he instantly became enraged.
He started shouting, called her a slut and a whore, and started speeding to dangerous lengths. Vivienne said: “I thought I might have actually died, it was horrible, I told him to slow down it just made him angrier.” Just 17 years old at the time, Vivienne did not now what to think – a feeling she had for the next two years. Still, the fog of teenage love veiled the red flags.
"I knew that wasn't right. That kind of behaviour is not okay, but I didn't know how to handle it," says Vivienne, who is now 19
As she got in deeper with her boyfriend, more disturbing behaviour cropped up. After an argument in her fresher year at
Roehampton University, he punched and kicked the door of dorms until the glass fell through. The resident security on her floor soon summoned her for a meeting to discuss the incident.
"When we did schedule a time to talk, he insisted on being there," says Vivienne. "This was supposed to be a conversation between the RS and myself, and he dominated the entire thing." He manipulated the meeting and was beginning to control other aspects of Vivienne’s life. She stopped hanging out with her male friends because he didn't want her getting attention from other men, and she became estranged from her best friend Dominique because he didn't get along with her, either.
All of these were warning signs of what would become an abusive relationship, but Vivienne was too inexperienced with love to pick up on any of them. Women 16 to 24 years old are most at risk for domestic violence, according to
U.K. legal system. Just in the last 18 months, 32 percent of teens reported emotional abuse or physical violence in a relationship.
"While love is a real powerful barrier and has a huge impact on people at any age, for young people, it's very new," says Michelle Deacon, freelance writer for abusive relationships. “They don't have a lot of experience with relationships, and they don't have the framework to say that they're going to do better."
Vivienne endured name-calling and insults from her boyfriend — but avoided talking to her family and friends about it because she was embarrassed and ashamed. "I was a strong person, and I just became very insecure as a result of him talking about me and calling me names," says Vivienne. "So I cared even more about what people saw."
On top of a lack of perspective on her relationship, not having the resources to identify her situation fuelled the fire. "People just ended up turning their backs on me instead of reaching out because it was something many people don't understand. And there weren't a lot of resources on campus about that.
University of Roehampton accounts for 8,535 students — and the awareness isn't really there."
When Vivienne’s third year rolled around, her boyfriend talked her into moving in together. The first night they were in their new apartment was also the first night he struck her. He was angry over some trivial argument, and he pushed her to the ground and started to punch her. "You don't want to believe that that person doesn't love you, that they want to hurt you," she says. "You always remember the good times when you're going through it."
He continued to hit her the rest of the semester. Isolated from her friends and family, Vivienne felt so hopeless she started to think ending her life was the only way out. Visit:
www.thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/ for help and advice.
