Abusive relationships takes it toll on teenagers

Like Vivienne Otto, women 16 to 24 years old are most at risk of suffering abuse at the hands of a lover. Would you know the signs?

By Sakaynah Hunter

When Vivienne Otto told her childhood sweetheart that their relationship was not working out, she never expected he’d act the way he did. Ms Otto was led to overdose on painkillers to escape the trauma. They were heading back from Vivienne’s parents’ house in London, Streatham as she talked about their future and he instantly became enraged.

He started shouting, called her a slut and a whore, and started speeding to dangerous lengths. Vivienne said: “I thought I might have actually died, it was horrible, I told him to slow down it just made him angrier.” Just 17 years old at the time, Vivienne did not now what to think – a feeling she had for the next two years. Still, the fog of teenage love veiled the red flags.

"I knew that wasn't right. That kind of behaviour is not okay, but I didn't know how to handle it," says Vivienne, who is now 19

 

As she got in deeper with her boyfriend, more disturbing behaviour cropped up. After an argument in her fresher year at Roehampton University, he punched and kicked the door of dorms until the glass fell through. The resident security on her floor soon summoned her for a meeting to discuss the incident.

"When we did schedule a time to talk, he insisted on being there," says Vivienne. "This was supposed to be a conversation between the RS and myself, and he dominated the entire thing." He manipulated the meeting and was beginning to control other aspects of Vivienne’s life. She stopped hanging out with her male friends because he didn't want her getting attention from other men, and she became estranged from her best friend Dominique because he didn't get along with her, either.

All of these were warning signs of what would become an abusive relationship, but Vivienne was too inexperienced with love to pick up on any of them. Women 16 to 24 years old are most at risk for domestic violence, according to U.K. legal system. Just in the last 18 months, 32 percent of teens reported emotional abuse or physical violence in a relationship.

"While love is a real powerful barrier and has a huge impact on people at any age, for young people, it's very new," says Michelle Deacon, freelance writer for abusive relationships. “They don't have a lot of experience with relationships, and they don't have the framework to say that they're going to do better."

Vivienne endured name-calling and insults from her boyfriend — but avoided talking to her family and friends about it because she was embarrassed and ashamed. "I was a strong person, and I just became very insecure as a result of him talking about me and calling me names," says Vivienne. "So I cared even more about what people saw."

On top of a lack of perspective on her relationship, not having the resources to identify her situation fuelled the fire. "People just ended up turning their backs on me instead of reaching out because it was something many people don't understand. And there weren't a lot of resources on campus about that. University of Roehampton accounts for 8,535 students — and the awareness isn't really there."

When Vivienne’s third year rolled around, her boyfriend talked her into moving in together. The first night they were in their new apartment was also the first night he struck her. He was angry over some trivial argument, and he pushed her to the ground and started to punch her. "You don't want to believe that that person doesn't love you, that they want to hurt you," she says. "You always remember the good times when you're going through it."

He continued to hit her the rest of the semester. Isolated from her friends and family, Vivienne felt so hopeless she started to think ending her life was the only way out. Visit: www.thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/ for help and advice.

www.dailymail.co.uk/.../domestic-abuse-my-ex-bofriend-turned-human-fireball.html

http://www.independant.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/campaign-warns-teens-over-abusive-relationships-1899767.html

http://www.bbbc.co.uk/health/support/domestic_violence_usefulcontacts_index.html

Victoria Beckham A/W11 Collection Fetish

It’s all come together for Victoria Beckham this year. Her look, her label, the marriage, the LA social life, even David’s hair is having a moment. This time Last year she was still in the try hard camp. But now let’s bow to her understated chic – little goat dress, classic pumps, loose hair caught in a clip – it’s the look of a confident woman.

Beckham was hardly our initial line – up on the long list of budding fashion designers. It was not so long ago that her dreams of becoming the fashion player were frowned upon by many. Could she really be taken as a serious fashion designer?

After years in the closet, her designs are stealing the show at New York Fashion Week - she has taken the negative press in her stride and engraved her footprint on the fashion sphere.

She has a handsome world-class athlete for a husband, three gorgeous sons and another child on the way. Oh, and did we mention she can make a mean dress too?

Surely we all gave up counting how many Hermes bags Victoria owns years ago. Whatever she wore, whatever she was doing, one could almost guarantee she would be ‘with Birkin’. Then came the news that VB was going to design her own line, and the fashion world couldn’t wait. What could the women with the most-envied bag wardrobe make for herself? Something showy and dazzling like her Harrods collection perhaps? Wrong!

As we all tuned in to New York Fashion week on Vogue T.V, one can only assume that the vast majority of us were crying tears of joy-like our infertile girl pal had just given birth to a baby boy. Her designs thus far have been mostly form-fitting sheaths, made for diminutive gals like Beckham herself, but she’s had a change of heart.

Beckham’s collection for spring/summer 2011 is a move away from the figure-hugging dresses that became favorites with the likes of Gwyneth Paltrow and Cameron Diaz. The collection – featuring a hue of rainbow brights – is certainly looser and less confined than her previous efforts, but she has still maintained a confident sense of implicity, and an artful eye for colour, (hello, earth mother).

Her collection also treats the eye to a trapeze dress proving the designer was good for her word. She followed that with a dress compromise of a loosely draped long-sleeve top that fell taut at the hips and gushed a hand-pleated skirt, which hit just above the ground. The restraint she exhibited in terms of design shows a maturity that exudes good taste and refinement.

And her exceeding efforts live on. VB has upped the ante by designing her own fabulous handbag range. The collection, hitting net-a-porter, Selfridges and Harrods is sleek, elegant and understated just like her look of late. The transformation from the pop star to fashionista is complete. Mrs. Beckham, we salute you.